Thanksgiving dinner went by without mishap. Brother C ended up cooking a whole turkey and did a nice job of it, especially for it being his first time. A couple mishaps - very crispy bread rolls and of course, too much leftovers - but still, a good meal. My little niece is turning into quite the eater - the only food she's refused thus far is peas (which clearly comes from her father, as he detests those as well).

Afterwards, it was a lazy few hours. I shared the scrapbook of Mom, something of an ongoing "work in progress" since she died. Eventually, I'll get it to the point I can declare it "done," get the pages electronically scanned and have an electronic book to share with people. I'll still keep the physical book, but this way, people can have their own copy.

Managed to fall asleep for a few hours - I fully blame the turkey lethargy, not to mention that the meal I ate was absolutely huge compared to what I usually do - but was back up to start the rounds of shopping at 10pm, beginning with an outlet mall that was absolutely jammed when we arrived in the area at 11pm. The mall's lot was already full and people were being directed to a school parking lot, then being sent via school bus to the mall. It worked. Overall, by the time 7am rolled around, I was exhausted, but satisfied that my little niece would be cutely dressed and playing with Duplo blocks (the younger kids' Legos) come Christmas time.

Crashed for a couple more hours, then hit the Mall of America. It's a mall and was busy with everyone as expected. Didn't have that much difficulty parking or walking around, though the kids with inattentive parents did make it a challenge to navigate around. Took care of a few more kids' presents, so that much is done on my list.

Met up with theemmer and her sister for a quick drink - always nice to get together. We'll have more time to spend at Christmas, so this little "quickie" was just that - quick.

So, now, I'm utterly exhausted, not sure what's going on for the rest of the weekend, as I feel off-kilter (and even a little lost) because of the holiday weekend. Yes, there are plenty of things to do - I'm staring at a number of things just within my sight as I write this . . . but the priority of what to tackle isn't quite clear.

Instead, I'll just throw a movie in, curl up under my layers of blankets and just fall asleep.

Well, I'm as ready as I can be for the Thanksgiving holiday.

I've double-checked and made sure I have everything for the dishes I'm making tomorrow. Brother C and his fiance are taking care of the turkey. I volunteered to cook everything else - mashed potatoes (with real potatoes, of course), gravy, scalloped corn, green bean hot dish, rolls, jellied cranberries and "mini pies" for dessert.

None of the relatives - on either side of the family - have bothered to call me to inquire about Thanksgiving. Not surprising on my dad's side - I can't remember the last time I did Thanksgiving with them. Mom's side . . . well, the aunt that normally holds it didn't hold one last year because they went to her husband's family, so it's not exactly surprising, but it bugs me that there was no call this year - at least we got a phone call in advance telling us to make other plans.

Dad had his own plans, so if it wasn't for Brother C . . . then I'd be alone. Not sure how I feel about that.

I'm trying to put together an amazon.com wishlist - heard and seen so much about them, thought I'd give it a try, even though there's so few people in my life who will be looking at it. Navigating around the site and shopping is reminding me just how much I hate shopping.

And yet, I will be participating in the torture. Brother C's fiance has asked me to join her in shopping at midnight. I don't mind going out and looking at things, seeing what's out there, but the actual purchasing is what I struggle with, especially for gifts for others. Granted, my shopping list has grown shorter and shorter over the years, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier.

(And I do hold onto the dream of getting all of my shopping done in one day . . . but the likelihood is not that great.)

*sighs* . . . on to the holidays.

. . . . and yet again, time has continued to slip away from me.

Thanksgiving is this week . . . the start of the holiday season. I volunteered to cook the Thanskgiving dinner for my brother's family (himself, fiance, step child and my niece) and myself - Dad's going off to be with a few others, which is fine, but he's at least offerring up a turkey to cook.

My brother's fiance and I (and a few co-workers/friends of hers) are joining in the day-after shopping - literally, the day after. One of the outlet malls opens at midnight and that's where we're starting. I do have the lofty goal of finishing shopping in one day, especially since my list is so short - we'll see if that actually happens.

The week may be short, but my list of things to do continues to grow . . . I need to do my LJ wishlist, as well as an actual wishlist for the family by Thanksgiving . . . I still have thoughts about finishing a couple of quilts that are overdue, even though everything (including the sewing machine) is in boxes and means I'll have to unpack to work and repack when I'm done . . . and that's just a few items on my list.

Well . . . here's hoping for a quiet week.

Ah, yes . . . that time of year has rolled around . . . I will post my wishlist by this time next week, but I post this banner now to encourage everyone to take a look - even if you don't post a list for yourself, perhaps you can help someone else.

It's gone. Done. The end. The only thing that's keeping me from a complete mental/emotional breakdown is that I'm at a public place as I write this. (It's not stopping an occassional tear from escaping - that can't be helped, as I don't have that much control.)

I turned over the house keys today. The family home. The only place I have ever thought of as home. The one building I lived in from birth through college (and beyond as well).

This was a long time in coming - over a year. Even so, it's hard to say goodbye to such a big piece. Yes, I know it would've eventually happened anyway, be it I moved out of state (which I'm still working on), got married (which is not even remotely close to happening) or some other natural occurance of life. Yes, I've lived elsewhere - Rochester and Pipestone come to mind - but that house has always been there, always been the "emergency backup" (and it's been used as that a time or two). Now, I have no backup, no safety net and that absolutely petrifies me.

My "life" is sitting in storage at Dad's place. All 20 or so boxes. *shudders* "My life in boxes" - that thought repeatedly runs through my head.

Yes, Dad, you can say it's time to move on, that it's time for me to make my own memories in a new place. Doesn't change that it still hurts to turn over the keys and that yes, I am going to cry about it. Enough.

All I want to do is crawl into a nice, dark cave, have the breakdown that's long overdue and just not come out.

Just for maraudersaffair . . . to answer your five questions about me . . .

1. Do you miss teaching?

Gods, yes . . . I do! I miss the actual teaching - being in the classroom, working with students, seeing them make progress. I miss the co-workers I had, being able to work together and just survive whatever was thrown at us. As much as I do enjoy the work I'm now doing, a part of me will always be a teacher.

I don't miss being told that I'm doing a good job, but that I won't be hired back for the next year. That hurt. Really hurt.

2. Why do you switch screen names all the times? JW

Different screen names have different purposes and there are different people/contacts associated with each. I don't need those who know me as their "virtual assistant" or "document editor" for their business to know about my personal/private life. It's also a way for me to keeps things organized - everything related to my LJ and writing goes to one email address, family members/relatives have a different email address, etc.

3. What is your favorite childhood memory with your father?

Ugh . . . there's many and I hate picking just one . . .  the first one that comes to mind is always going to the Minnesota North Stars at the Met Center. It was always just him and I. Couple bags of peanuts in our pockets. Always going to the same concession stand for our large sodas (and nachos occassionally). Having my learner's permit and him allowing me to drive home, including through the parking lot traffic, after one of the games. The Minnesota North Stars are now the Dallas Stars and the Met Center was reduced to a parking lot (part of which now features IKEA, the rest being overflow and oversize/camper/RV parking for the Mall of America).

Other memories include getting up early to go with him in the banana-yellow scrap truck to the junkyard to offload the scrap metal - I was probably 6 or 7 at the time, so it was a big deal to sit in the cab and watch the big electro-magnet "suck up" the metal. Afterwards, we'd go into the office to finish the deal and the owner always gave me a Toostie Pop and one to my dad to bring home to my brother. We went for bike rides around town for quite a few summers. He taught me how to drive - I'm still trying to break some habits I learned from him.

4. Do you still go to Einstein's Bagles a lot?

No, the only ones that are still in town are on the opposite end from me, at least 45 minutes away. If I'm over there, I might stop in. I tend to frequent Caribou Coffee, Panera Bread and Bruegger's Bagels instead. The biggest common denominator: free wifi. (Free refills also helps (but not at Caribou - just Panera and Bruegger's.)

5. Why do you like wolves, again? (I think you told me once, but now I can't remember.)

Wolves just have always caught my interest. I can't quite identify one thing in particular that makes them my favorite . . . they just are. They're beautiful to see, but underneath that beauty is still a fierce and deadly animal.


Anyone else have 5 questions for me?

That's the theme of the day . . . one step closer to turning over the keys and truly saying goodbye to the house. The only house I've ever truly called home. 

( Boxes and boxes . . .  )

My life is in storage. Part of me just wants to find a nice, dark hole to crawl into and not come out of it. As much as I can rationalize and understand everything that's going on with the house, it's still hard for me - it still makes me emotional. Forgetting about the furniture upstairs (my bed and a desk), I still don't know "what" to think about the fact that i could literally throw my clothes and other essentials in the car and just move. *shudders* Part of me says "that's all I have! (insert the incredulity)" as if I should have more to my name and part of me simply nods and is satisfied because I don't have a lot of "extra stuff."

All that's left to pack up is the kitchen stuff - silverware, dishes, etc. - which really isn't that much. Maybe 2 boxes, just because of the weight. And those are going over into storage on the "just in case" plan. No one else (i.e. Dad or Aunt J) need them and I "might," depending on what happens in the future . . . figure it's just better to box it up just in case and donate it later if its not needed. After that, I think one more run through the house for any miscellaneous pieces and I'll be done.

I really don't know what to think now.

Piece by piece, the house is leaving.

I'd estimate that I'm roughly 80% moved out - I'm now down to the bits and pieces. Like the piles of blankets and bedding that was on my bed. The silverware, dishes and the kitchen items, which I really should pack up a box on the "just in case" philosophy. Every time I wander around, I find something else that needs to come with.

There's another dozen plastic boxes to be hauled over for storage at Dad's place - I think those are the last ones. My bed and the one desk that I like moved over there yesterday. I haven't ventured into the room where they're at. Still not sure what to think about seeing what is, for all intents and purposes, my life in boxes.

The cable/internet is gone. That was switched over to Dad's place this morning - and that was a process. I made him deal with the cable company as far as the "financial end" of things, but I still ended up dealing with them (though it really was very nice and polite) for an hour just to get the internet back up and running on the computer. (I'm not quite ready to unleash that level of technology on Dad, though I was sorely tempted to make him figure out what plug went where on the tower unit, provided I supervised - I ended up deciding against it, since he was in a grease-covered uniform at the time.) Somehow, in the process, they lost all the important data between their computer and our modem. I've got my fingers crossed that Dad won't have any immediate computer issues and that he'll get back into the use of it. I jokingly told him that he can once again go to the chat rooms and play poker while in his ubitquitious underwear and bathrobe. Wasn't quite prepared for his response of "if I wear that much." Ugh, Dad, really did not need that mental picture. (And yes, theemmer, it's still *that* bathrobe.)

The new place I'm at . . . well, let's just basically say that I DO NOT have TV. I didn't move a TV over with me because both of the ones that I had were over a decade old (one I suspect could be close to 2 decades because it "only gets 47 channels") and while they worked with cable, they'd need a converter box to work with the new HD signals and I just didn't think that was worth it. The new place I'm at only has the over-the-air channels (i.e. let's just simplify it to say 5 channels that I remember growing up as a child), but not all of those come in consistently . . . and considering the daytime programming is a majority of what I DON'T like (talk shows, soaps) - I'm already annoyed with the various "courtroom drama" shows - just, ugh. So, basically, I decided not to bother with getting a new TV while I'm here. (And mental note: you can pretty much guarantee an answer of "no" to any question that starts "did you see (insert TV show) on (whatever day)?). Not having TV will be a struggle for me - I'm already anticipating heavy use of my iTunes as well as judicious use of Netflix's "Watch Instantly" feature, just to have some background noise. Silence may be golden, but there's only so much of it I can stand.

I don't even want to think about the holidays that are quickly approaching. I've already been asked to join in the Black Friday shopping.

Oh, how lovely it is . . . *ignores the coughing*

I'll throw in a stupid movie . . . *eyes her choices - Muppets in Space or Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie*

I'll down some Nyquil . . . *shudders at the offending taste*

I'll finish my baked potato . . . *wishes there was cheese on it*

I'll attempt some writing . . . keyword: attempt.

Yep, that's a lovely Saturday night.

. . . I'm declaring myself on the side of "not feeling well."

Ugh.

I really do not need to be sick now.

I have too much going on . . . all of which is just going to multiply while my brain slowly turns to mush.

I will admit that I sound worse than I feel.

*crawls back into bed*

*stares*

I find myself doing that quite a bit - far more than I really should. Just staring off into space, though my mind is going at the speed of light (or sound - whichever is faster) with thoughts of anything and everything . . . but I just can't seem to grasp at anything long enough to keep it in focus.

Every day that passes puts it one day closer to leaving the family home altogether. "Sad" would be an understatement. How else do you say goodbye to a place you've known your entire life? How many people can say that they grew up - from birth through high school (and college, if you want to include that) - in only one house? Dad's made himself a new home in his parents' place. Brother C has his place, complete with fiance and kids.

Moving to Chicago is sitting on the horizon - I see it and I know I need to do it, that I need to leave MN and the surrounding family, but doing so is going to absolutely petrify me. Leaving MN means losing a safety net that I've always kept in the back of my mind - a safety net that I knew I could count on in any "worst case scenario" my mind can come up with.

I need to get back to writing - I have some holiday fic exchanges to do, but I've posted nothing else - I've written very little over the past year. I commented to auberus recently that the writing I've managed to do with her via chats is the most I've done since last year at this time when I was writing for a fic exchange. (She, of course, has plenty of plans in her mind that will get me into a few other fandoms.)

Ugh. I'm just going to stop here.

It may be Brother C's birthday, but it's not a joyous, happy day for me.

Yes, Dad, dammit, I'm going to cry about things - like the whole situation with the house. Telling me not to cry, that it's not something worth crying about just isn't going to work. I'm packing up my life, putting everything except the barest essentials into boxes that I will not have easy access to. I'm getting rid of things that I'd rather not get rid of.

And Aunt J, while you're moving things out, would you pay attention to what you ARE taking to make sure it's YOURS?! I'm getting tired of having to call you because you took my things. They may be "little items," like an old tupperware pickle container, but they are MINE and I like them. I use them. I need them. (Also, having you and friends storm the place at 6am was not what I wanted to wake up to.)

It's been 3 months since I last worked at the test-scoring place. I got a letter today reprimanding me for reading too fast and having an inconsistent agreement rate, complete with a note that it's going in my personnel file and if it continues, I will be dismissed from the project. Yes, I knew I was a fast reader and I worked with my direct supervisors about it, but I was consistently told by those same people that my agreement rate was fine. So . . . a) this is 3 months late! . . . b) "what the hell!?!" . . . and c) I'm not currently working for them.

*screams*

I've had enough.

Edit: Let's add grocery shopping on the list. Yes, it is my fault for waiting until the evening of the last day that items are on sale, but considering we are talking about food items here . . . how about keeping them in stock?! Half of the items I was considering buying were completely sold out. Customer service told me that the store does not guarantee advertised items to be in stock. Ugh.

One of the errands I had to do today involved going to a bank that I was unfamiliar with and make a deposit. As this was not my bank or bank account, I had to go into the lobby. My 10-15 minute errand ended up involving 4 different employees, including the teller, all in the name of customer service.

One greeting me at the door as I'm making a beeling for the little table with the blank deposit slips and pens. One talking with me as I stood waiting in a non-existent line (I was the only one) and then directing me to an open teller. One to ask, after I had finished and was prepared to walk out the door, if there was anything else. Each one was a different person.

I wanted to strangle the next one who talked to me.

I'm all for having good customer service - nothing wrong with that. This place, however, was overkill for me - I didn't need to interact with that many people to make a deposit. 

Ugh. 

I'm utterly exhausted . . . don't know quite why I'm still wide awake, but I expect I'll sleep well tonight.

Went on another road trip to Chicago . . . we'll see how this one turns out - hopefully, it'll end up being more productive than the last one . . . time's running out on the house and I really would love just to pick up and move, but until I have some assurances that I'll be able to survive . . . well, eventually I'll get there.

I need to be writing . . . I have a couple of fic exchanges to do. The ideas are in my head - I just need to get them out.

My mind is still a scatterred mess . . . I don't even know where to begin to try and piece it together . . . it's probably better that I don't.

*sighs* . . . . *yawns* . . . but tomorrow is Friday - yay!

I just realized it's Thursday. The days are sliding together and I'm doing all I can to hang in there.

I have some temporary/"let's try this arrangement and see what happens" housing - since I essentially work from home via being online much of the day and a friend wanted someone at home just to be a companion to his pug (literally - not much else). It's over on the Minneapolis side of the city and I was lucky enough that there was already a bed there.

However, I have a desk that I like. It's an old piece of furniture, not like the stuff available now. It's a solid piece - there's no screws, nuts or bolts to it. So, it doesn't come apart, nor does it have any "bend" or "give" to it. It's the only piece of furniture I want to come with me . . . and trying to move it is giving me a headache.

It won't fit in a car - it has to be moved using a van (full-size/cargo) or a truck. Dad's truck for the business is out of the question - it's truly a scrap truck. One piece of furniture isn't worth renting a U-haul for it, so I thought I'd just try an ad online to see if there would be anyone with a truck willing to help. The responses I received . . . *shudders* . . . "name-calling" was a common theme in them. The experience just reinforced how mean people can be. 

Everything else I have that I want with me is stuff that I am able to pack up and move myself . . . the thought recently struck me that, if I really wanted to and forgetting about furniture, I could pack up my clothing and most needed belongings into my car and still have enough room to drive safely. I might even have enough room for a passenger. Isn't that pathetic? While I can say I do value what I have, it does bother me that I have so little.

As it is, I'm looking at the possibility that I might have to get rid of my boxes of fabric for quilting . . . something I really don't want to do. This desk may follow in that direction . . . ugh. I hate this whole foreclosure-thing.

My car broke down on me . . . and I'm not at home where Dad can deal with it.

Tomorrow, my bank account takes a hit to get it fixed . . . . *sobs* . . .

Just when I was thinking how great things were going . . . I get knocked back like this.

*screams*

Well . . . moving on . . . I'll go cry myself to sleep, along with giving myself a nice headache for the stress.

 . . . always seems to grow faster than I can do anything about it. Taking off one thing gets it replaced by two others.

*sighs* . . . such is life.

My mind is a scattered mess - bits and pieces everywhere. Trying to pull those pieces back together . . . not working too well.

I hate feeling like this - like I can't quite get a grip on things - but I'll manage.

I'm stressed out enough as it is - stress that is my own creation, though - but it doesn't help any when people are trying to merge or change lanes INTO you while doing highway/freeway speeds. Does anyone actually check their blind spot anymore? Actually take a glance over their shoulder to make sure it's safe to change lanes (so then you can floor the accelator and get around the "slow" person who's only 5 under the limit)?

And dear Aunt J . . . the cat is still at the house - why? It's all alone at the house, as I'm barely there while trying to get myself situated elsewhere . . . and when I am there, it's biting my toes and wrapping itself around my ankles, which hurts and makes me trip and fall . . . I've had enough!

And why can't people READ the words I so painstakingly write? If they would do that - and then take the time to comprehend them - it would save me a few headaches.

*sighs* . . . until next time.

As some of you have heard from me, I caught an ear infection and visted the urgent care docs just to have them poke their little scope in my ear and confirm that I was right. As someone who suffered (though they always are without pain) through TNTC (too numerous to count) ones as a child, I'm more than happy that it's been over a year (if not over 2 years) since I last had one. However, being an infection means it needs antibiotics to get rid of it.

Okay. Fine. I don't have prescription drug coverage - not even those "free" programs - because I'm so rarely sick and none that I looked at was able to cover the birth control - that's a whole separate saga. So, meds are a bit on the costly side for me and not something in my monthly budgeting. 

The doctor electronically sent the prescription for ear drops in to the pharmacy yesterday morning. I called yesterday evening, identified myself and specifically stated I needed to know how much the prescription was going to cost. I was told a price on the specific medication in question. Today, I go to pick it up and I'm charged $60 more than what I was previously told - and that's even after the pharmacy gave me some sort of discount because they enrolled me in some program. 

To say I was unhappy would be to put it mildly. I know . . . "it's only $60," but I'm touchy on things involving money - having been so close to an absolute zero balance has made me quite financially-conscious. Call me being nit-picky, that's fine - I wouldn't have had an issue if the difference was $5-$10, but $60 . . . that irked me.

Of course, the person I spoke to yesterday isn't working today - they're not going to be back until Tuesday - and the 3-person staff on duty there is not the "regular" staff, so they don't know where he got the price I was quoted. And the pharmacy manager won't be in until Thursday. The assistant manager is clueless because this isn't his department.  I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall.

Half an hour later, the conclusion is that the pharmacy did their job - they filled the prescription and they figured out that I was give the price based on the prescription as it was written, not as it was filled. The higher price that I paid was because the doctor's order/prescription was for a generic that does not exist and in a quantity/amount that does not exist - they had done their job . . . it was the doctor that screwed up.

Yeah. Great. Doesn't help me a bit. It's still the mistake of someone else, but I'm the one who pays for it - literally.

*fumes in silence*

So . . . I'm working on a collection of songs/CD's for someone and they're a fan of country music. That's fine by me - I really don't have a particular music preference - but after a few solid days of nothing but country, I need a break - even though it's not country, the old song "I'm Going Bananas" from Madonna is very apropos at the moment.

Do you have any songs that just always make you smile and laugh when you hear them? What are they?

I'm just curious . . . I've always liked such a wide variety of music and find it interesting to see what others have in their music collection.

Personally, not only that Madonna song I mentioned works, but also the song "Trashing the Camp" from Disney's Tarzan - the one from the movie, not the acapella version on the CD (though that's nice, too); a song from an IMAX movie on dolphins that was done by Sting and is titled "I Need You Like I Need This Hole In My Head" - I just love that title; "Hakuna Matata" from Disney's Lion King - yes, I have a thing with Disney movies, I fully admit to it.