It was three years ago, on this day, that Dad called. I remember it well. Hearing those words. Driving home. Seeing you finally at peace, in a place where you didn't have to battle constant pain. I still think of you, Mom.
I hear a Beach Boys song on the radio and I think of the first concert I ever went to - with you, Dad and Aunt J at the MN State Fair. I hear Kenny Rogers and I remember how much you enjoyed seeing him in concert for your anniversary one year. The smell of lilacs blooming reminds me how you loved them every spring, despite the allergies they brought to me. Playing with fabric and going through patterns brings back the memories of all the clothing and costumes you made over the years. So many times, simply looking at something will bring back a memory.
Time continues to pass by as it usually does. Last year at this time, I was working as a teacher in a public charter school. It was work that I loved, watching students learn and grow. Yet, it was not to last. Another non-renewal of the contract in January led me to finally decide to leave teaching. It's something that still hurts for me to think about - I worked hard for that degree, but 5 school districts in 7 years, all saying "thanks for your hard work, you're doing going, but we're not going to renew your contract" isn't something I can deal with anymore. I loved the kids I worked with - that will never change! - but the politics that occurs outside the classroom is not something I can handle again. In the end, it is the students who are hurt the most because of losing so many good teachers that way.
Even with my future uncertain, I still went to Seattle in the spring. That trip was three years in the making and, even though the job prospects didn't look good, I still went. Getting away - even just to see different scenery - was a welcomed moment to refresh myself. Seeing friends C & S brought many good times as well. The boat tour of Seattle was breathtaking and eye-opening - I see why C loves the place so much.
Spring also brought more changes. I started a temporary position at a place that scores the standardized tests the students are now required to take. Not the greatest job to spend 8 hours a day staring at a computer screen deciphering kids' handwriting and attempting to understand it in order to determine the score to give based on a matrix/examples, but I managed. Brother C moved out of his apartment and into a place with his girlfriend that's close to home. Even though he's a couple of miles away, I still don't see him very often.
The house also changed dramatically - I'm still here, but Dad has finally moved over to the shop and Aunt J has moved in. What a process that was! We truly found out how much stuff this old house could hold as every nook and cranny was probed and dissected. Everything on the first floor has found a new home - most of it going somewhere outside the house. The second floor is still mine, but it is slowly being worked on as well. Aunt J (with the help of friends) has truly done a wonderful job with a few coats of paint and lots of cleaning. It doesn't look the same - new paint, new light fixtures, new floors . . . you would be proud of her, Mom.
Summer arrived as it usually did . . . the hot days that you liked slid in, reminding us of the lack of air conditioning in the house. With Aunt J's daycare, it also meant a house full of kids - laughing, shouting, playing - all things this place hasn't heard since brother C and I were kids. In a way, there is new life in this house.
Jester continues to be his usual pestering-doggie-self, though now he has the company of the rest of Aunt J's zoo - a kitten named Dakota that came back with her from a church trip to South Dakota, a bearded dragon/lizard that friends gave her and two small birds. (Your nephew, D, points out that we don't have a fish yet.) Duke came for a weekend visit, too . . . just as D & his sister M are your unofficial grandkids, those two dogs have become my unofficial pets.
Fall now approaches . . . the changing of the leaves was something you enjoyed as well - seeing the beauty of Mother Nature come out once more before giving in to the whiteness of winter. More changes are on the horizon for me. Leaving teaching is only the start. Going into the field of business has opened new doors and new opportunities, as well as created new friendships. Eventually, I will move out of this family home that I have known for my life - where I will be moving to and when is still being determined, but it will happen.
I love you, Mom. I will be thinking of you as I wander around the MN State Fair for a few hours today. I will remember the surprise of running into Uncle M out there one year. I will remember how you enjoyed going through all the buildings and seeing what there was to see. I will remember how you always enjoyed the food, even if you could only have a bite of it. Most of all, I will see that your tradition of Christmas ornaments for D&M is continued.
Love,
Your Daughter
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